frustration

Sometimes, you just have to get it out.

Sometimes, you can't tell those who are annoying you to stop, or to see your side of it.  Sometimes, if you do then it only makes things worse.

This is one of those times.

I have a vacation planned for December 17 - January 2.  Yes...that is a tad bit more than 2 weeks away from work.  I need it.  I can work on average 60 hours a week.  Sometimes I have worked over a month straight...and yes that includes Saturdays and Sundays.  Now before you get all excited about overtime, etc - understand that I am salary.  I don't get overtime.

I just work.

Rarely, do I take time off.  I can't.  My job just will not allow for it.  I am at the whim of the Government.

I write proposals.  So...when the Government (specifically the military) decides they have a job to be performed on a base somewhere around the world (specifically Operations/Maintenance/Support/Housekeeping/etc) then the company I work for will bid for that job.  It's how we keep afloat.  It's what allows me to actually HAVE a job.  So...I write proposals.

When I started, there were about six of us in my department.  This was 3 years ago.  Now there are 2.  And we do it all.

It is the most stressful job I have ever had in my life.

It is also the highest paying job I've ever had.

As a single mom, this is vital.  I need to live. I need to support myself and my son.  I need, I need, I need.

And so I work.  Constantly.

My last vacation was in 2008.  Prior to that, it was when I quit my job in Alaska and drove to Texas.  I was off work for 3 weeks.

This is my first REAL time off in years.  And I need. Desperately.  I feel as if my ability to hold it together is slipping...and I know I need a break.  If I don't get away, I will snap.  It's inevitable.

But...here's the issue.  We just had 3 major solicitations hit.  All are due within 7 days of each other between January 7 & the 14.  One is HUGE.

And now they are threatening to pull my vacation.

Did I mention I'm in Texas?  Yeah.  They can do that in Texas.  There is no State law governing vacations.  If Texas had it's way, no one would ever take a vacation.  If I push for my time off, they can fire me.  And even though it is not to their advantage to do so...they would probably play that card.

So here I am.

Frustrated.

I already will be - at the very least - working on my vacation.  Though, finding the time will be interesting as it is a major roadtrip.  I will be driving 70% of the time.

And also...it's one of the last (and possibly the last) vacation I take with my son before he leaves for college in 2012.  I can try for another...but financially, that isn't always an option.

So - this is the big one.

And it may not happen.

And there is really nothing I can do about it.

Sometimes...Life just sucks no matter how hard you try to make it all alright and find time for yourself and your family.

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't a single mom.

Sometimes, I just wish....