Melancholy - contemplation on life today...

I tend toward the extremes in life sometimes.  I'm either up or I'm down.  The inbetween is most likely a melancholy.

That's today.

I saw it coming.  In the last week I've been tired and at a low ebb. It's colored how I see things in life right now.  And while - generally speaking - I'm a happy and optimistic person, I'm starting to feel myself turn inward.

There are so many things I need to do - primarily rid my life of boxes and boxes of stuff in my garage.  The pile is so much smaller than it was years ago - but letting go is difficult at times.  It's also difficult because I tend toward strong memories - and these boxes are full of them.

I learned at a very early age that life can change in the blink of an eye.  Because of that I've gone through life "making memories" of people and times.  Where most people in this world just go through a day - I tend to focus on something to remember - something to hold onto and something that will bring the memories back.  I've done this so long that I really don't realize I'm doing it.  It's subconscious on my part.

But today I went through 3 boxes.  And while I ended up throwing or giving most of their contents away, I held onto a small shoebox of cards and letters - all from the 1980's.  I found a phone book of people that are mostly no longer in my life; wedding cards, anniversary cards, Christmas cards, birthday cards - mostly from my mom who died Oct 2, 2001.  Cards my ex-husband and I gave to one another during those 1st few years of our marriage - those incredibly happy years when nothing could drive a wedge between us.  And while I gave that marriage everything, alcoholism divided us and I called it quits after almost 25 years.  But the '80's...they were some good, good times.

With what has happened in Norway, and what continues to happen in our world today - with the bickering and BS of our own political parties and our own seemingly willingness to implode - my heart is heavy.

I'm saddened because of the pain felt worldwide.

And this has always saddened me.  The hunger, the fear, the death, the hatred - sometimes it just all seems overwhelming.

Yet, I know there are many more people who are kind and loving.  People who put others before themselves and unselfishly stand beside those less fortunate.

The world is more kind than hateful - more loving and more giving.

This is what I need to remember and focus on.

The lives of those I loved in the past are forever with me in my memories.  And while I cannot bring them back physically, I can live with the knowledge that I gave them my heart willingly and knowingly.  I allowed myself to be open to them and to remember our times together.

I pray that those people who are hurting today - both in Norway and elsewhere in this world - can find that they also made memories of each and every day they were with their loved ones.  I pray that they find the comfort of these memories in the future when the severity of their loss and their pain starts to subside.

I pray that - together - we can find comfort and peace and give enough love to one another so that others may never know the heartache of terroristic death.

Imagine all the people
living life in peace
you may say i'm a dreamer
but i'm not the only one
<em>26</em>

College Road Trip 101 - Adventure at Reed College

So how did we wind up at a Faculty Christmas party at Reed College in Portland, Oregon?

It wasn't our intent - nor did I budget time for this festive occasion...but obviously the best laid plans are made so they can be changed by forces beyond ones' control.

And so it was as our adventure at Reed College was coming to an end.  We had a wonderful time meeting some of the staff - getting the lowdown on College life in Portland and taking a whirlwind tour of the campus.  We said our goodbyes to the most excellent staff and entered back into the light rain to become one again with our little red Kia.

Stop.  You cannot enter the parking lot.  Some "distraught individual has taken refuge on the campus."  and oh by the way...he has a loaded weapon.

Nice. Distraught and loaded weapon.  What a wonderful combination.

We could see our car.  It was right there. I could almost reach out and touch it. But no. That would have crossed into the "no can be here" zone, so back we went.

The building that we ended back up in at Reed is a long Gothic-looking building with wonderful stone work, bearded face carvings and ivy filling the nooks and crannies of the mortared bricks.  The trees that caress the sides are a combination of oak and redwoods with moss clinging to the bark and some with a feathering of ferns growing from the crooks of branches.  The buildings are celebrating their 100th year of existence with beauty and grace...and a madman somewhere on the east side with a gun.

And there we set.  In a small room with comfy leather chairs sipping tea and cider while munching pretzels and oreos waiting for sanity to prevail.  One by one, the staff donned coats and left the building in pairs until only a handful remained.

Then. The call came.

Join us! We are having our staff Christmas party and, well, since you are stuck here you may as well come enjoy some food and live music...

What?

A Party.

A Distraught Individual.

A loaded gun.

Don't these people read the papers? Shouldn't we be worried? Shouldn't we take cover?  Shouldn't we drop and roll?

Nope.

So we moved to the West side of campus...away from the "activity" and proceeded to meet and greet the Dean and other assorted tenured staff.

We sat at a table with lovely people who really didn't take much of an interest in us until I mentioned that we were REALLY from Alaska.  And as always - the very mention of Alaska opened up an active conversation.  We discussed Moose, fishing, poor hotel choices, and the school districts between Anchorage, Eagle River, Wasilla and Talkeetna.  My usual shyness evaporated and I came alive.

Then - the situation holding our car hostage was lifted.  Just like that. No more concern over loaded weapons. No more despondent male over the holiday season. Joy was restored in Whoville and we departed the campus as if we had just been through a typical college interview.

No harm. No foul. No bloodshed. No bullet holes. No worse for wear.

We were free to go...and somehow, Reed has moved into the #1 position of college choices...